Married...

Fred and I didn't say "I Do".

I was still very much in love with him..He was a young man, that i could not get out of my system....

But,

I did marry!

On my eighteenth birthday, I met my husband, Clay.

Clay, was nine years older than I.

((Laughing to myself))

I knew Clay all my life.. are families have been entwined over the years...

His first cousin, is my God father and my aunt has children with another one of his cousin...

Like I said...I knew Clay, his wife and children over the years...

At any rate,

After Clay's divorce from Clark, Clay and I started dating and I became pregnant with my second child.

The happiness and love that I experienced with my first child is beyond measurement. I was thrilled to learn, I was expecting another.

I finally moved out of Grand mom's house and took up residency with Clay.

My second child was born...also a beautiful and precious baby.

I was happy to be a mother.

I loved my children totally.

Something, is wrong with me though

Oh Fred...

I'm still in love with Fred. He and I, even though we aren't getting married, we continued a secret relationship..with the desires of getting together again.

Pregnant?

Yup..

I'm pregnant with my third child....

Fred, he also had a child on the way...his first..

They married while she was seven months pregnant.

Funny, his wife and I gave birth in the month of February actually fourteen days apart.

I was crushed....He's married.

I needed to make a decision. I should marry the father of my two children.

Fred, is happily married and rejoicing over the birth of his first child....at least that's what everyone else sees.

Clay and I got married.

I married Clay for all the wrong reasons.

I wanted my children to grow in a healthy two parent home, something I never had.

I wanted the security of having a husband.

I wanted to feel decent.

I needed to feel complete.

I never mentioned love, did I?